Dark Night of my Soul

September 26, 2014 5am

I woke unguarded, loss twined around my heart like razor wire. Silently, I stepped out the front door, and raised my eyes to the magnificent canopy You saw fit to relieve nocturnal solitude.  A shooting star whizzed left to right, perpendicular to the swath of cotton candy that is the Milky Way.  Wish upon a star?  In this dark night of the soul, silent though you are, I know you are there and that you love me.   The unlit sky is the closest I can get to you, to your vastness; untouchable, unchangeable, unreachable proportion. The molecules in my body yearn for you; iron filings irresistible to your magnetism.

It occurred to me that Jesus surely lay on his back on the dark Mount of Olives and felt something akin to this need to reach you.  There were no streetlights in Jerusalem.  No lights at all to speak of, just pure, clean, unpolluted air.  Did he pray on his back with open eyes? I cannot imagine otherwise.

Your Word upholds me day and night; ‘the heavens declare the glory of God, the sky proclaims the work of his hands’. Contemplating your agony in Gethsemane.  Rejoicing that your divinity and humanity was revealed via the inhumanity of the cross; ‘Eloi, eloi, lama sabachthani’, remembering with soberness that Paul did not live in ease, but suffered greatly in his passion for the great commandment; ‘for this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison’.

In ancient days the Holy of Holies was filled with the glory of your presence.  The High priests walked about with the soft tinkling of golden bells on the hems of their garments, ornamentation You required.  Pomegranates:  symbol of righteousness, representing fruitfulness, knowledge, learning, and wisdom.  Golden bells:  resounding the command to complete obedience to God – that he might not die.  Pomegranate, bell; pomegranate, bell; ringing the hem of his garment, encircling him in the commands of God, with each and every step he took.   Righteousness, fruitfulness, knowledge, learning and wisdom, appreciated by God, evidence to man.

I find conviction when I hear your commands in first person.  You live in me; my Christian body is your temple.  My Christian life is appreciated by God and obliged to be evident to man.  May my righteousness and the fruitfulness of knowledge, learning and wisdom be evident to others and fulfill the great commandment you have given me.  May my words be as sweet to hear as the golden bell, the way to Truth.

Even while you are silent as the black night sky, I will trust you, love you and obey you my Rock, my Strong Tower, my Mighty Fortress, my God and my King, the One and Only, Jesus my Savior.

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